Stranger Danger

"Never underestimate the power of a woman."  ~Nellie McClung

School, lesson planning, club meetings. Busy days with not much time to write. I’m getting to know my students better and everyone in my neighborhood knows me. Whenever I walk to school people call out “Adzo!” (my name for being born on a Monday) or “Emily!” I only get “yovo”-ed by people from other neighborhoods now. So integration is going well, but there have been a few scary moments that definitely had me questioning my safety and what seems to be the acceptable behavior of men towards women here.

One day I decided to walk into town to do some errands instead of biking like I usually do. On my way home a young man started following me. He wanted to know my name, asked where I was going, what I was doing, etc. I was polite, but brief, answering that I am a Peace Corps volunteer living in Kpalime. I don’t feel comfortable telling random strangers any details. After this short exchange, he continued to follow me. He was asking for my phone number, saying that he wanted to come and see my house, and really making me nervous. I told him in my most demanding voice to stop following me. I repeatedly stated, “That’s enough, leave me alone,” but he continued his pursuit, and the Togolese people passing by didn’t offer any help. Finally, about four minutes from my house, I decided to step into a small boutique where I often shop, and ask the owner for help. She seemed confused, but I explained that this man was following me and I needed help to make him leave me alone because he wouldn't listen to me. She proceeded to talk to the man, along with help from two other women. He ultimately left, heading back where he came from.

I have to say that the shop owner wasn’t as forceful as I wanted or expected her to be with him. She merely shrugged her shoulders and said “He didn’t mean any harm.” What!? So he just followed and heckled a yovo for several minutes just for fun? Great, that makes me feel much better. I don't think harassment is even a part of their vocabulary. Apparently, it is perfectly reasonable for some women here to tolerate this type of behavior from men.

Another incident happened to me last night. This one scared me a little more because it was at my house this time, and even my neighbor confided in me afterwards that she was a little shaken up. Vera and I have a very secure main door to get into our compound. It has three locks, including a deadbolt. When my friends come over they always call or holler over the gate and I know it’s them. So if someone is knocking on the compound door and I haven’t been called, I don’t answer it. Last night there was someone knocking. I didn’t answer, but a few minutes later Vera did. I heard them speaking in Ewe, so I just assumed it was a friend of hers. Then I heard a knock on my front door.

I opened the door to find a man standing on my porch. Vera was on her porch staring over at us. It was someone I had never seen before in my life. I asked him what he was doing. He said he was there to see me. I stated that I did not know him and had never seen him before. Vera then cuts in, asking him questions about how he knows me, why he is here, and what does he want. She was very aggressive and direct with him. It seems that he saw me today walking in the neighborhood. He told us he was from Lome and that he had a problem. When we asked him what his problem was, he gave no answer. Then Vera really opened up a can of whoop ass! She got very angry and kicked him out of the compound, slamming the door in his face. After that we had a long conversation about what had happened. Vera concluded that he was probably here to check out the house for anything to steal in the future. She said  robbers are active this time of year, before Christmas. I wasn’t so worried once we had the door locked, but Vera later went to get a male friend to stay the night in our compound. I like living with Vera and her little boy, but she made a valid point that we would be safer having a man or even a dog here.

These two events really made me understand the importance of integration within my community. If I hadn’t known the mama who ran the boutique, I probably wouldn’t have felt comfortable asking her for help. If I hadn’t become good friends and bonded with my neighbor, maybe she wouldn’t have stayed out on her porch to question the man knocking on my door. Yes, in both of these instances I was pretty shaken and freaked out by Togolese men, but thankfully, there were also some strong Togolese women around to help me. We girls have to stick together.

*** Shortly after this incident I did receive a visit from the head of Togo Peace Corps Security and the Regional Director of Peace Corps Security, who runs security for 7 countries in Africa, following up on what happened. It made me feel good to know that they were concerned and quickly came to check things out. Don’t worry people! I am safe and well.